Ted

“No matter how big a splash you make in this world whether you’re Corey Feldman, Frankie Muniz, Justin Bieber or a talking teddy bear, eventually, nobody gives a shit”, intones British thespian Patrick Stewart in Ted’s opening minutes. Promisingly, it is the first of many brilliant lines that Seth MacFarlane’s feature debut will have you quoting long after the end credits roll.

Despite boasting the polarizing humour found in Family Guy and American Dad, the film’s premise is nothing short of magical and heart-warming. Car salesman John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) used to be such an unpopular outcast, even the kid who’d get beaten up by the local bullies wouldn’t socialise with him. But one Christmas, proving there is nothing more powerful than a young boy’s wish (except an Apache Helicopter with machine guns and missiles), Johnny miraculously brings his teddy bear to life and the two become the best of friends.

Fast forward to the present and John is still hanging out with Ted (voiced by Macfarlane), except the once sweet and innocent soft toy has over the years become a foul-mouthed, pot-smoking slacker, much to the indignation of John’s girlfriend, Lori (Mila Kunis). She believes it’s time John matured a bit and got his act together. John on the other hand, loves hanging out with his buddy too much to let go…

Sound like a familiar scenario? Many male viewers will relate to the whole “girlfriend or best friend?” conundrum, and it is to MacFarlane’s credit that his comedy finds the time to focus on the themes of commitment and growing up. Although it must be said that, as exemplified by his flagship TV series, there is little to disguise the fact that MacFarlane is more at home with conjuring killer quips and outlandish scenarios, rather than sticking to a solid narrative structure. But while this would be a fatal flaw in a lesser comedy, the Family Guy creator makes it work to his advantage.

The seemingly endless gag rate will appease those who were worried the trailer had revealed all the best bits (highpoints include hilarious cameos, the most surreal house party ever and a hotel room scrap that would have Matt Damon and Paul Greengrass in a standing ovation) and the actors delivering the lines are all on top form – Mark Walhberg’s rapid fire list of white trash names is particularly impressive.

But as it is to be expected, it is the titular teddy bear that will stick in mind the most. It may be the shock and novelty of hearing an adorable-looking critter spout such a colorful (read: potentially offensive depending on your gender/religion/fanboy allegiances) repertoire of insults, but Ted is simply the funniest character of the year, hands down. By the end of the film you won’t know whether you’ll want to boycott, cuddle or share a beer with him. Chances are you’ll want to do all three.    

4/5