Review: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

For his review of Transformers: Dark of the Moon, incendiary film critic Mark Kermode resorted to placing himself in front of a camera before repeatedly banging his head against the lens. A bit over the top maybe, but Kermode definitely got his point across. The third (and most definitely not final) instalment in the Hasbro franchise is not so much a movie, but a visual and acoustic assault on our senses.

For what it’s worth, the story this time involves an Apollo 11 conspiracy theory which saw astronauts Armstrong and Baldwin uncover the hibernated body of legendary Autobot Sentinel Prime on the dark side of the moon back in 1969. Apparently he is to play a big part in mankind’s struggle against the Decepticons. And where does all this leave occasional hero Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf)? Well, he’s got enough trouble trying to find a job and hold on to his new girlfriend (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley).

Now before going any further, a quick premise. Their status as blockbuster behemoths  means the Transformers movies never aspired to be anything more than pure, unadulterated popcorn entertainment. These are the kind of films where you can check in your brain at the cinema's entrance and wallow in the lush spectacle without having to worry about petty claims such as theme or catharsis. You know that, the critics know that and, most of all, director Michael Bay knows that too.

However, there is also such thing as quality blockbuster entertainment. The first Transformers was fun because it managed to seamlessly combine impressive action scenes with genuine humour, all whilst being held together by a more or less linear plot. Dark of the Moon, much like the critically panned Revenge of the Fallen, displays an overly complicated storyline, takes the action a few notches too high, while the comedy feels forced and sometimes a little too juvenile for its own good. Furthermore, the running time is agonisingly long. You know there’s something amiss when you are periodically checking your watch throughout a 45-minute giant robot smackdown.

Another one of Transformers’ strengths was the casting of veteran actors in amusing support roles (John Turturro’s Agent Simmons being the series’ highlight), but this time the players involved feel wasted and superfluous. Frances McDormand has little to do in what is essentially a faceless bureaucratic role, while John Malkovich makes a hilarious entrance as Sam’s boss, only to be forgotten shortly after the first act. And the less said about Ken Jeong’s excruciatingly annoying cameo, the better.

Just to be clear, this review is not implying the franchise is past its "Prime" (couldn't be helped). Dark of the Moon boasts all the necessary ingredients to be a hit with the multiplex crowd and Michael Bay is surely going to be laughing all the way to the bank as the box office figures come in early next week. It’s just that it would be nice to have seen a bit of brains to match all that brawn on screen.

2/5